College

College,
major difference from university? I THINK SO.


Sitting at this nice high glass table, waiting for the boyfriend to finish his last exam ,
i am faced with the challenge of boredom, 
and so im here, writing with tons of pauses.


As once stated from other friends , my blogs are only written in...two tones?
1) anger
2) sadness


SOOO, im deciding to change that.
...maybe in the new year. Ill try hauling my camera along everywhere i go, and whatever gives me inspiration i will write about it.


because apparently, im loosing that touch with my inspirations. 

Forever ?

? Forever?
What is forever.
Definition please?

Not one from a common source. Tell me something i dont know about forever.
Does it mean, a life time? but what happens in another lifetime? does it qualify? 

How can something last forever when forever can be as long as tomorrow. 

Sometimes i like hearing a phone go to voice mail.
It puts me back to reality.
And reality is not a nice place. 

If i had a choice... i would live in that fantasy world all the optimists live in.
Was once there, moved far away.  

What If ...?

What if,

The most unreliable question that always has a huge significance over my conscience. 

What if? ...and yes, what about it? 

There's nothing that can be changed, but then again nothing is set in stone...until you die that is. 

oh the "what ifs"

a bunch of fantasy answers all caught up in the mind, and sadly all don't mean a thing, if it is just trapped in there. 

a bunch of lies. 

and I've had just about enough of this.

Road Kill.

Road Kill sucks. 

It's dirty, it's sad.
It just lies there,
on the side of the road,
limp and dead. 

Maybe some half alive,
wishing someone or something would help
save its pitiful life. 

But obviously no one does help,
maybe a push closer to the paved ground,
to get it out of the way. 

Slowly letting itself decay.

...reminds me of something.

Letters to...

Dear Gray area Dora,

 It has been a while since you have updated this blog. If I questioned your reasons for neglecting your own thoughts I know I will only get false excuses to cover up the true reasons bothering you. 

It's not likely for you to come on here, I understand. 
I understand that you are busy.
You are stressed
You are sad...about certain things that keep you pessimistic about your future. I know there is a lot more, I get it.
BUT
That is what I am here for! ...or try to be.
I would listen to you till the break of dawn.
I would be that shoulder you yearn for so much.
I would be your comfort...
I would be all these things, only if i could. 


Remember all the fun times we had?
2005 was the best year you ever had right? Yes I remember. How could I forget a year so memorable. 
Remember mid June? Where we got in trouble? Scared the ga jibbies out of me. But we were young, we were stupid. I accept that we've grown... more mature? Not so sure. haha.
Remember how we broke free and learned to love the CNE? Favourite place of all time!
Remember how we used to day dream about University life? How splendid it looked in our imagination. Sadly only in our imagination. The best things are always created in our minds right? 
Remember how you used to always get excited over the fact that you were going to be flying to Korea after you graduate from University? 
what is it?
You forgot what that excitement felt like? 
...Well I hope you remember soon. You do only have 2 or 3 years left. Time flies. You out of all people should know that. 


Remember how you said that friends last forever? You were so optimistic about people. Always thinking about the good side of them.
what? Loosing that optimism are we? Well better start believing again, because I know there are tons of people who rely on such optimism, and very few who actually give it freely. 

I watch you cry from time to time. I never had the nerve to ask you why. But I didn't need to after. I eaves dropped on some conversations with your boyfriend...by accident of course. I hear frustration coming from your tone a lot. It's not my place to ask you why again. But I'm pretty sure you don't mean what you say to him. It just isn't you to be like that. So try to forgive yourself, because if you don't, you wont accept the fact that others already have. 


It's silly of me to think that I will be in your life again. You can't pull what was in the past, into the present.
I know, I know.
It sucks. Definitely. 
I hear you talk to me a lot. I'm sorry that you can't hear my present replies. Only what I have said to you in the past can be searched upon. 


But hey cheer up! You know I'll always be here. Even if I'm just a past fragment of yourself. 
If there is any advice I can tell you, that is to listen to present Dora. I think she needs you more than you need me.


~Love,
           The past you. 
           

falling to pieces

Random # ?..let's just hold on.


It's so hard to hold on to that piece of happiness that comes suddenly...likewise goes away just as sudden. 

...I find things irritate me very easily now a days. 

*sigh

Excuses...excuses

Pitiful random. 

There is no more excuses for anything that has been happening, its probably all on me though.

faults and decisions never felt so vague before. 

Happiness?
What's the definition again?  

Settling? Much easier? 

Ignoring? I'm trying.